FOR ABHINAV (Written in March 2005)

Seven months ago, one day, I sat at my desk pounding way at the keyboard of my computer. I was writing a common mail to my closest friends. It was a ‘Thank You’ mail. I was celebrating my birthday the next day and before all the calls, emails, visits and messages started pouring in, I wanted to express my heartfelt gratitude by telling these special people in my life that I could never repay them for their love and kindness in my life, especially over the last year.

Birthdays always make me reminisce. I looked back at my year. Moments sprung up before me and I re-lived some conversations. It wasn’t the best year of my life. I had experienced deep hurts and painful sicknesses that I couldn’t explain. I remember crying myself to sleep, night after night, fearing that my agony would never end. Suddenly, my eyes began to sting. Those horrid memories brought back tears to my eyes. It was fifteen minutes to mid-night. I knew the calls would start pouring in soon. I sighed a sweet sigh, ‘I did have many friends’. I knew I shouldn’t be crying. I wished there was a way to distract myself from ‘me’. For eight miserable months I had been only thinking about ‘me’. I was almost beginning to hate myself. I rolled my eyes, stopping briefly heavenward. God didn’t seem to be listening. I completed a full circle of ‘eye-ball rolling’ and looked back at my half written email, disinterestedly.

Eleven fifty-three, my cell phone beeped softly. Ok, here goes, I thought. My first birthday wish was coming in even though it was seven minutes early. I opened the message automatically, eyes still glued to the screen in front. Seconds later, I glanced down at the words on my phone. It was no sweet birthday wish filled with promises or blessings. It was from an uncle, a family friend, who, in the first place, shouldn’t really be sending me a message on my phone at that hour.

But what I read made me shake my head over and over again. I was shocked like never before. I was being informed about the sudden drowning of a friend. He was a few years younger than me but we were good friends. His name was Abhinav, but almost everybody who knew him, lovingly called him ‘Abhi’. In recent months I hadn’t seen him as often as I would have wanted to, since he was studying in another city. Nevertheless, we used to bump into each other at random events like marriages, parties and the like. Every meeting was always memorable. He was tall, well built, and had the best hugs, ever. Soft spoken and kind, and for someone his height and size, he was most gentle. Every sister’s dream ‘little brother’ and every guy’s blood-sworn loyal friend; he was larger than life in the hearts of us who knew him.

He’d gone fishing with his friends, at a river near his college. A few of them, along with him, went down some moldy, windy stairs to the water. As they laughed, talked and enjoyed their sport, his friends made their way back up, calling out to him to join them. “I’ll be right there”, he said, standing there as the water lapped his feet.

He climbed a few steps higher as the water began to rise. There was something in the river; the current was strong. His friends were calling him and he turned quickly, to begin climbing back up the stairs. In a split second, he slipped and fell. The water was dangerous and it almost swallowed him up. He screamed out in fear, for help. His friends, standing, somewhere way above, tried to throw branches and logs of wood down to him. He clung on to one but in a matter of moments, before their helpless eyes, he left them, yelling and screaming. The current pulled him into itself.

In a daze I heard about how his parents, brother, friends, teachers and the rescue team searched for him, for hours, hoping against all hope. They returned back without him or his body; bringing with them only the largest hole they had ever seen or experienced in their lives.

The clock struck twelve, my phone rang promptly, and a group of cheery friends sang ‘Happy Birthday’ out loud. The messages poured in, I finished my email, turned the computer off and got up from my desk. I had things to do; people to visit, comfort to give, and prayers to pray for grieving friends.

The shortness of life scared me. Suddenly, I longed to throw everything I had in me, to help people around me. I realized my life was not meant to be about ‘me’ and I had just learned it the hard way. God had been listening!